My Neighbour’s Wife

| 3 MIN READ | Small towns & Big hearts

The law of entropy states that things tend to move towards disorder naturally. So do I.

Last year, we got some home repair work done. I was instinctively ready to retreat into a corner and continue living in more dust and din. But my wife personifies cleanliness and competence. I go against my grain and rent another flat in the building for a few months.

The living room has black-gold-purple striped walls and white curtains with large red strawberries on them. A steel holder for an oversized television sticks out of the wall like stranded ammunition. The previous tenants were Korean. Their style more ‘Squid Game’ than ‘Parasite’.

I assume we will throw our beds on the floor, live out of suitcases and work with the gas stove and 5-10 key utensils for the next three months. We are on a higher floor now. The light pours in. The winds arrive with a whiplash. I shouldn’t get used to this.

I return a week later and my wife has installed fresh Taupe wall paper and Beige curtains, moved forty-six pieces of furniture, arranged art work, repaired fans, replaced white lights with yellow, operationalized kitchen, set-up wifi and populated the wardrobes. I feel reassured by the order but I don’t know what to say. There is something about disruption and desolate landscapes that draws me. One reason I loved Morocco so much. The desert sprawl and lack of expectation amidst it is calming.

The new neighbours ante door is always open. The cook’s year-old daughter spends her day roaming around the lobby between our homes. I peer into their kitchen. It is a constant bustle of activity. A small army of staff. Rhythmic chopping, crackle of tadka, cooker whistles, and a variety of fragrant aromas. As we grow more familiar with each other, I lean in to enquire on what’s cooking. They send me dishes that I sound enthused about. The zenith of Indian affection.

We invite our neighbours over for Dosas one Sunday morning. She arrives early with the cook’s daughter on her hip. Sits and allows her to get comfortable on her lap. She feeds the child first. The husband and son join later. They are originally from Gujarat, where the first language is enterprise. We talk about the textile business he operates out of a small town in Maharashtra. It was much larger at one time, but he has brought it down to a size that is manageable remotely with monthly visits. She runs a downtown Salon business. The son works in Private Equity but is putting the pieces together in his head to start something on his own.  

A few weeks later the cook’s assistant is engaged. Her wedding will be in the village in a few months. My neighbours’ host a dinner party at their home to celebrate. All the family and friends of the cook’s assistant are invited. The front door is wide open, there is music playing and the special party lights that transform the ambience are on. I spot my neighbour’s wife dancing in the living room, surrounded by drivers, maids, delivery boys and tailors. I am wonderstruck.

We live in a building with a set of elevators reserved for residents and a separate service elevator for staff. Class apartheid is deeply entrenched amongst the upwardly mobile and wealthy in urban India. Occasionally overt, but predominantly governed by deceptively subtle conditioning. Resident only elevators are justified as a convenience to reduce wait times, akin to Valet parking. But the carving away of daily spaces normalizes an artificial separation. Gnaws away at the more fundamental things we share that bind us. Like a glitch in the Matrix. Something feels off, but you allow yourself to get quickly distracted away from it.

When the ‘Right to Education’ act mandated that city schools must reserve a few seats for children from poor families, that the poshest schools in the city run by minority communities are excluded from this mandate was noted with relief. The elite have a sub-culture of their own. Of knowledge, discipline and hard work. Of knowing how the system works and how best to navigate it. Of preserving and protecting what they have, because the world can be brutal when you don’t.

My neighbour’s wife grew up in a small town. Immune to all of this. Every time I see her now, we hug.       

41 thoughts on “My Neighbour’s Wife

Add yours

  1. Thank you Ananda for this beautifully penned observation and reflection. Seeing the world with different eyes shifts our perspective. I love that you were wonderstruck 🙏🏻

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Heart-warming observations and thoughts Anand. 🌺

      They hand-hold a brief walk down nostalgia lane. To a time when we spent summer holidays with my grandparents in their small town. A time redolent with the aroma of ripe mangoes and endless afternoons chasing the fierce mid-day sun on breeze-borne swings propelled by the laughter and genuine camaraderie of friends. A time when small towns stood for big minds and bigger hearts. A circle of affection, loyalty, care and consideration that made those friends , our extended family.

      More power to these memories ! And to you for nudging them to life.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, So very True! Your Thatha/ Paatti ‘s Culture/ Basic Human Ethos, has penetrated , deep down Their Grands & Great Grands!

    This is a clear Indication, that Character Building will and should be the Basic Principle of Our Life’s Goal!!!!

    Lots of Love to all of you

    Baby athai / Baby Paatti

    Like

  3. Anand This article is a heartwarming and thought-provoking reflection on your experiences with your neighbor and the contrasts between their own lives. Your observations of their neighbor’s household, particularly the cook’s assistant’s wedding celebration, highlight the differences between our own lives and those of their neighbors, and raise important questions about the nature of privilege and social interaction.

    Like

  4. It’s so beautiful. I really enjoyed reading it. Having left India, I was so happy to read a piece that immediately transported me back to the textures, sounds, behaviours, aromas, the army of people (that support our lavish existence), and finally ‘the zenith of Indian affection’. I have also never seen anyone in Mumbai open their homes and hearts to maids, cooks, drivers in the way your neighbour did – she sounds like a force of nature. 

    Like

  5. Very nice. Yes, in the modern urban setting, caste prejudices have morphed into class prejudices. As humans climb up the social ladder, they become more insular, less empathetic to those far down the ladder, more self centred, egoistic and self preserving. What a pity!

    Like

  6. Great point Anand, the separate elevators for house help is nothing but urban apartheid..the justification bout minimal waiting for the sab is a weak one as in anycase the liftman requests the help to wait though most of the time they wait on their own. If the elevator has space, I always ask them to come along, lucky we don’t hv it.Enjoyed the read.

    Like

  7. Wonderfully narrated the experience and observations on differing life philosophy often termed as lifestyle , culture or whatever it may be. At the end it is the humility which strikes.

    When I lived in Bombay in eighties, my neighbors door in front of my bhk was always open and vegetable chopping, cooking , talking all performed with fineness. Initially I didn’t know how to hide myself….but slowly it became like how come I didn’t know it!!!

    Lastly the Korean decor was interesting though….

    Like

  8. Fabulous piece, as always. Reflective, and rich with insight.

    I did not see that ending coming? This was in Bombay?

    The class apartheid that you describe is 100% accurate and we’re all complicit in it.

    To see the affluent family truly treat the cooks family like their own is deeply heartening. Please let your neighbours know how much their genuine inclusivity and egalitarianism is appreciated.

    Like

  9. “La mancanza di aspettative in mezzo al disordine e alla desolazione sono calmanti” ……..

    L’eliminazione degli spazi quotidiani normalizza una separazione artificiale.

    Meraviglia………

    Grazie davvero tanto per queste perle .

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Dear Anand ,

      Another beautifully written article.I admire your Neighbour’s family for the way they treat their house help.

      I love the way you have narrated how they all took part in the celebrations.

      Really remarkable!!

      Today as people get richer ,I feel a lot of them loose their humanity and their compassion.They fail to realise that all their wealth is only temporary.

      Your narration is always so insightful and beautifully done and it transports the readers as if they are part of the story.

      Keep writing Anand ,you definitely have God’s gift and your narrations are always so poignant with a lot of empathy and feeling .

      Thank you for sharing

      Mina

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Dear Brother, May we one day see all that which prevents us from fully seeing the sacred in everyone around us. When we see it, let us dance with joy in the unveiling, the shedding, and the flow of acceptance and loving kindness that ensues.🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Had been missing your posts for a while. As always, wonderfully captured in simplistic narration. Cheers to your “Enterprising” neighbour.

    Like

  12. It is rare to come across someone unchanged by her surroundings. I admire and salute your neighbour. Thanks Anand for sharing this story.

    Like

  13. This is wonderful. First of all it is so well written that i stand there with you looking into the neighbor’s kitchen and smelling the wonderful food, i see the neighbor’s wife dancing…..
    Secondly, thank you for explaining the caste differences, etc…..elevators etc…
    Thirdly, there is wonderful humor in the piece as you navigate through these scenes.
    Finally, your wife is a dynamo. You are lucky. She could run a multinational corporation.
    Namaste,
    renee

    Liked by 1 person

  14. It feels like it is ‘we’ having been through those tougher times and have moved up that societal ladder, don’t want others to just walk in. We’ve worked hard to reach this place so keep our distance.

    Whereas ‘back down there’ don’t seem to worry about that, they are more accepting of where they are. And maybe because they can’t see possibilities to do so. And I think why those small towns are so much more friendly and sharing in that community.

    Mind you, I’ve only ever lived in those small communities. Each time I go to a city it is just another world. Almost green men in leotards.

    And yes, those teachings from those we look up to, join those lines in the sand and keep them there. But I, in hope, think that as this world changes, so does those lines. May our eyes go beyond them.

    Thank you for the share Anand, well written kind sir.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Ohh .. great

    The zenith of Indian affection

    *The moon ,the sun, flowers , playtime* these are beautiful things….

    Like

  16. As usual crisp and to the point .

    Enjoyed the factual event.

    My thoughts were may be our common community is still good as they have not mixed with elite .

    Thanks

    Like

    1. Indeed she is . The title was a literary device to place the primary focus on her without excluding her family, who share the same values

      Like

  17. My husband who was brought up as the much loved grandson of mill owner’s family in Mumbai, having studied in a Public school has no qualms at all about sitting on the same sofa as the house help. He happily uses the same crockery and our daughter takes it one step further by washing her maid’s clothes in the same wash inth machine. 

    My point being urbanisation or anglification has nothing to do with how we treat our ‘inferiors’ . 

    Aren’t you smart moving out while renovating your house? We foolishly suffered for6 1/2 months 

    Like

  18. Once again, I want to thank you for sharing. I loved this piece. I love India, have visited twice–once to Northern India and last year to Tamil Nadu and Arunachala. I live so far from India, and I wonder every day why I have to. Reading this article was so nuanced with your theme of inclusion and of your culture that it was like accidentally catching the fragrance of a fine incense. Thanks so much!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. “But the carving away of daily spaces normalizes an artificial separation”, such an apt observation, Anand. Thank you for sharing these stories; your writing always makes me feel like I am reading a novel, and I find myself wishing the story would go on.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I love that, my turn to share real quick

    I know your story well, from a different perspective, I am the hired help that makes people’s lives feel magical

    I dress people for a living, plan and execute parties

    Some of my clients see my talent and have hired me to redo their houses even though I am not a designer

    And I make people’s lives look so glamorous and perfect and easy

    So often, I am that girl that is helping the woman dance. With what she’s wearing, what her menu is, every little detail

    And me? I know all her insecurities, all her dreams that she didn’t take action on, her fears, her proud moments, where she feels inferior

    And I love her, And she loves me – in our ways we love and we dance

    In our ways that we can, sometimes where people can see us and sometimes just between us

    You have a neat story Ananda. I feel honored that you let me in to see glimpses of it through the windows. Thank you 🙏

    Like

  21. Anand – beautifully written piece on the simplicity and contradictions of urban life in Mumbai. Very heartwarming with sharp observations.

    Like

  22. In Tripoli Libya, when i saw the driver come in and squat in the sofa in the hall and switch on the TV while waiting for me and RN to get ready, it was a kind of a shock for me . There is socialism and casteism in different aspects of life.

    Some of the comments are very perceptive and have enhanced the article

    Like

  23. I kind of feel the same way in our new apartment complex called “White Hall” that appears artificially segregated from the diversity appeal in South Florida.

    Like

  24. Ananda, thank you for a glimpse into your daily life. I found your post very touching. In the US, “All men (and women) are created equal.” Of course, we don’t always live up to that ideal.

    I grew up in a series of small towns where everyone knew everyone else. Most of my adult life, I was searching for the perfect small town, but I never found it. I have lived a life rich in experience, but I guess I will always be a small town girl at heart.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a comment

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑